John George Telford (15.08.1940 – 06.02.2022)
(Prepared and presented by his son Andrew Telford at his funeral service held at St Catherine’s Church, Proserpine on 11 February 2022)
When he was right, he was right. When he was wrong, he was still right.
I am sure that dad would not have expected such a large turn-out at the church today. I would like to thank everyone who has come to pay their respects. Especially those who have travelled long distances. I would also like to thank everyone who has expressed their condolences and reached out to my mother Pam and the rest of our family. It means a lot to each and every one of us.
There is one group of people I would like to thank in particular. That is those of you who might have had a falling out with dad but nevertheless you thought you would do the right thing and come today. Thank you very much.
Our family would like to thank the staff at the Proserpine Nursing Home who showed such compassion and empathy during dad’s last days. Doctor Squires and his staff who kindly did not object to dad’s loud and often use of inappropriate language. Also, the ladies who have attended with dad on a daily basis over the last period of time. Including (but not limited to) Kim Corrigan, Teens Lade and Nita Douglas. I would also like to thank those who have visited dad post the commencement of his journey with dementia including Lyle Reinbott, Graham Wilson, Ron and Robert Ogilvie and Robyn Heiniger. Whilst dealing with thank-yous, I also want to thank in particular Cameron Duncan and Gavin Price who both worked for dad and uncle Ronnie for many years and who showed great loyalty and patience. We all know how difficult and sometimes demanding dad could be!
In regard to thanking my own family I would like to mention my brother Robert who has carried the biggest load of any of us. Also, my wife Rachelle otherwise referred to by dad with his failing memory as the ‘lady from down the road’ together with Bob’s wife Leisa. Who was quite simply ‘Bob’s wife’. My son Jack who spent a lot of time with his grandfather and with whom he shared a special bond. Also, Bob’s son Seamus who was with his grandfather when he passed away last Sunday. My brother Edward who travelled regularly to Cannonvale to visit mum and dad. My sister Louise and her daughter Sophie who, with their backgrounds in health care , provided much guidance and direction as we navigated the rocky road of dealing with dads’ ailing health.
The last and biggest thank you I wish to make is to my mother Pam who lived with dad for over 60 years. When you think about that length of time it equates to more than 3 life sentences and more than what you would get for committing mass murder.
John Telford was born in Proserpine on the 15th of August 1940. He was 81 years of age when he passed away last Sunday. John’s parents, John Telford Senior and Jane Telford had three children. Sadly on Wednesday of this week Jane’s sister – our beloved Aunt Josie Kelly- passed away. Of the three children, John was the oldest and he is survived by his brother Ron Telford and his sister Merle Mengel.
The family grew up in the same house that Ron and Lane now live in at Mountney Road, Strathdickie. John and Ron attended the nearby Strathdickie school where their mother Jane was a teacher. Surprisingly enough, I have heard on the grapevine that John was a bit of a mummy’s boy at school! Dad spent a lot of time with his great mate Desi Reid firing guns everywhere around Strathdickie.
The boys then went to Abergowrie Agricultural College. John stayed at school for about a year and Ron spent two years there. John became known as Moose and Uncle Ronnie Taurus. Assuming that my late grandmother’s stories about dad and uncle Ronnie are correct, then they both were very good at sport including cricket, rugby league and especially athletics.
John returned to Proserpine to cut cane at age 15 and to start his life as a farmer which he did for the next 65 years until he left the farm in March 2020. Dad was in my car the day he left the farm. His only words were “Well that is the end of that!”. I did expect more, I must admit, from a man who made the farm his life. Although dad had dementia in the time that followed, he really did enjoy life and for that we are grateful. He formed a wonderful bond with all of his children, as well as his grand and great grandchildren. Perhaps there is a lesson there for all of us.
John married Pam Staniland on the third of May 1961. A couple of years later Ron married Lane Porter. The two brothers purchased the farm from their father in 1966. Marrying into the Staniland family meant that dad had much to do with his brothers in law Graham Peters and Barry Olivetta. Dad, Graham and Barry had many exploits and could tell many stories especially about their dealings with their rather intimidating father-in-law, Bob Staniland.
They also enjoyed many fishing trips together. It was on one of these trips when a handline went over the side of the boat and dad called to Ollie. ‘Get the gaff’. The boat rocked. Ollie slipped. The gaff went into dad’s back. Big Johnny froze and he thought his days were over as he felt the weight of the gaff dangling from his back. But it turned out that the gaff was only hanging from his shirt.
In those early years, John used to go and work for his beloved aunt and uncle Kathleen and Marc O’Donnell at Bloomsbury. One of my favourite stories from this time was when young Mark O’Donnell also known as ‘Fuzzy’ took the opportunity to play a prank on the old man. He threw a lit stick of dynamite without a detonator into the toilet when dad was in there. Everyone enjoyed watching the old man hoick it out of the toilet with his pants around his ankles with the toilet paper trailing behind him.
Dad had a very close bond with Uncle Marc. He would often call him for advice and guidance about many things or just to have a gossip especially about the Mill. Dad of course had a long association with the Mill and he made many great friends through this connection. Ian McBean, Russell Biggs and Leo Donadelli for whom dad had great respect, to name but a few.
Those who knew John were well aware of his prolific use of agricultural chemicals. As a young child I remember John lamenting the phasing out of Dieldrin and DDT and the like. I remember a trip to Nugget Simpsons shed which stored of some of these banned chemicals. I remember standing in the shed with Nugget and dad looking at the stash of now illegal chemicals in the corner. Dad and Nugget stood there with hands on hips gazing admiringly. Perhaps like a kid visiting the Cadbury Chocolate Factory.
Such was John’s casual use of chemicals; I did not actually know they were dangerous until I was about 20! He measured chemical volume by glugs not millimeters. I remember dad pulling sprays off the spray tractor and cleaning a blockage by blowing with his mouth.
We were always amazed by John’s relative lack of health problems in the face of his long-term heavy smoking and casual and liberal usage of various dangerous chemicals. My suggestion would be that some of dad’s DNA should be sent to a lab at the Pentagon to help develop human resistance to chemical weapons.
John, subject to the tutelage of his father-in-law Bob Staniland, looked to expand his farming interests. He and Ronnie purchased more farms Up River. Given the need to irrigate these farms it meant that one of the families had to move there to look after the irrigation. Our family moved Up River in 1977. We said goodbye to all of our friends at Strathdickie and made new friends with the Riley’s, Large’s and Orr’s who were our new neighbours. It was this time in the late 70’s and 80’s that I would classify as being John’s heyday. He had a lot of fun with all his neighbours and in particular his great mates who harvested his cane for many years Colin and Neville Griffiths.
We had one neighbour who we all liked but sort of disliked at the same time. I suppose he was the Darth Vader of Upriver and the arch nemesis of all of the local kids. That of course was Charlie Large. One good thing about Charlie was that he grew wonderful watermelons in a paddock with great road access which was ideal for thieving.
Charlie and dad loved to play pranks on each other. Perhaps one of the best ones that I can remember was when Greg Ogilvie was working for Charlie. Dad and Graham Wilson were working on one of our paddocks next door. John came across a huge brown snake which quickly received the shovel treatment. Graham and dad hid it right next to the join of the first pipe and then hid to wait for Charlie and Greg. Anyway, you can probably guess what happened when Charlie bent over to find an 8-foot brown snake right next to the pipe. Well, what actually happened was better than what you thought. Charlie sent Greg home to get the shot gun and he rushed back and Charlie shot the already dead snake and blew a big hole in his pipe at the same time.
This resulted in ongoing tit for tat when Charlie strategically placed a dead snake on a tractor dad was using. Big Johnny leaped off the tractor and ran for his life.
It was during those years Upriver that myself, Bob, Geoffrey and Rodney Riley and Roy and Fred Large would play cricket and football in our backyard. One Saturday morning (which happened to be a Show Day) we were kicking a football. Someone managed to hit Edward, who was a toddler at the time, fair in the head. Anyway, big Johnny did not like this, and he grabbed the football and with those big, powerful legs of his, gave it an almighty boot. You could hardly see the football in the air it went so high and far into the cane paddock. He then proceeded to tell us that we were not going to the Show until we got the ball out of the paddock. We all walked into the paddock saddened by the thought of not going to the Show as we never expected to see that football again. Bob fluked it and found the ball straight away and out he walked with a big smirk and probably thinking ‘suck rocks old man’.. Big Johnny was not too happy with the outcome as he mumbled under his breath. But we all got to go to the Show, and we had a good day.
For all of the negatives with dad’s volatile disposition, there was a positive, at least in my experience. For me it surfaced about 3am every day of an exam when I was at university. Just when I was about to think about breaking my arm so that I could get out of doing the exam I would think about the old man. I would think of what he would do to me if I failed. That gave me the motivation to keep going and to make sure I passed.
It was also during the 1980’s when John became involved in offshore loans. I am sure that this was the worst decision that dad had ever made and one he always regretted. It was unpleasant to watch him for many years as he battled obsessively to retrieve some form of compensation from the bank involved. This was where dad formed an even closer relationship with his great mate Dick Dray and his accountant Russ Shephard. All of them put in a huge effort and ultimately succeeded in recovering some money. It seems to me that dad lost much more than money with the offshore loan fiasco. In my practice of law, I often think of him as an example of someone who became all too consumed with a legal predicament much to the detriment of his health and personal life. It is one of the main reasons I do not practice in that area.
My memory of living on our Upriver farm is the great mateship with our neighbours. Working in together when burning cane. The co-operation that occurred between dad and uncle Ronnie and Ivo and Paul Botta when every year our respective families helped each other planting. It was during these times that many farmers in Proserpine formed a great friendship with a knock about from Airlie Beach called Kin Shim and his beautiful wife Karina. Shimmy introduced the family to Asian food which we all loved. It was great for dad to have a mate who was not a farmer and who discussed subjects other than the Mill, cane prices and the weather.
In John’s later years and perhaps in the early stages of dementia he became what could be described as a travelling minstrel. Every couple of days he would do the rounds and visit Donna Rogers and Roy Bryson at farm HQ where Bob worked. Dad always said that you should not mess with Roy Bryson “unless you like hospital food”. Other targets of this travelling one man circus included Mick Cutuli from Main Engineering, Brooke Mansfield from P & D, Richard Dray, Sags at Crokers and the staff at the Westend Store and the Pitstop Café where he chose to purchase his durries and burgers. Also subject to numerous visits were the men working on the Staniland farm at Glen Isla and Les and Gwen Johns. We sometimes cringed worrying about whether or not dad was annoying people or whether he might become subject to a police complaint. But we have been comforted in the last few days to discover that he was most welcome and his banter, story-telling and childish antics were much enjoyed – most of the time. A day was not complete without a call to Uncle Ronnie and his daughter Louise both of whom dad spoke to almost every day until he could no longer use his phone.
John was very proud of all his children. I am sure that one of his proudest days was when Steve Rogers signed Edward to play professional football in the Super League era with the Western Reds in Perth. Just prior to this, dad had much enjoyed travelling to watch Edward play in the Confraternity Shield and in other matches featuring St Brendan’s. I am sure that Edward can recall dad hanging out with the boys and saying inappropriate things at inappropriate times. Which, from what I can gather, only endeared him to Edward’s mates. On one occasion dad and Barry Olivetta drove to Gladstone to watch Edward play. Edward expected them to stay overnight and go out to dinner as happened with his mates and their fathers. But John, being who he was, had to get back to the farm to check the irrigation. He turned around and drove home immediately after the game. Most likely after yelling profanities from the sidelines and behaving like a school kid himself with Ed’s mates.
John was a complex man who was surprisingly socially awkward and who hid behind his larrikin persona. A man who never truly expressed his feelings which he always kept to himself. He was hardworking to the point of being obsessive. He was not shy in coming forward to state his views on anything connected to the Mill or cane farming in general. He loved his right-wing politics and was a fan of Donald Trump. He loved John Deere tractors and hated everything made in China. On one occasion uncle Ronnie purchased some tools made in China. Big Johnny took them to the dump. I think there was some expletives mentioned on the way.
John had an impact on many lives which, I am sure, at the end of the day was more positive than negative. John has instilled in his children a strong work ethic which has served all of us very well. John has also gifted Bob and I his bad temper for which we are not grateful. Just to make sure that we knew how to use this wonderful gift, he gave us numerous practical demonstrations of how to do so.
All four of his children are proud and grateful that he was our father. Although in our families typically dysfunctional way we rarely if ever said it. But we did love him, and we know he loved us. We will miss him. Rest in peace big Johnny.
